Saturday, March 01, 2008

North Korean health care products

Eish, this is neat. I was on my usual daily shopping trawl on the net to pick up basic health care items, you know, like cancer treatments, viagra, also something against schizophrenia. And, it's not easy at all, to get the necessary equipment or drugs that can help with those issues. Fair enough, viagra is the easiest bit, but still, tad bit pricey, so I naturally shop for serious discounts.

Comrade Kim Jong Il, the current paramount leader of the great great nation of the Democratic Peoples Republic of Korea, also known as North Korea, has been painfully aware of my unsuccessful searches and decided to do something about them. He set up a commercial website featuring state of the art health care products that will be able to deal with the ailments just listed, as well as many others. In fact, the stuff they're selling is so brilliant that some of of the products deal with a whole range of diseases in one go. I cannot recommend them highly enough to you. My personal favorite is the Portable Semiconductor Laser Curer. This amazing health care tool is a laser, basically, but this one cures. What you got to do is to plug it into one of your nostrils and simply laser into the opening for something like 15 min (make sure the battery is fully charged, of course). If you do that, it'll cure for you, and I quote, 'treatment of stenocardia, hypertension, diabetes, cerebral thrombosis, cerebral haemorrhage, schizophrenia, bronchial asthma and canker'. I'm sure it's just a typing error and they meant to say 'cancer'. I tried it, and I can tell ya, ever since I started using it I didn't get cancer, so it seems to be a decent prophylactic, too. My diabetes is also gone, my asthma is seriously retreating, but my schizophrenia takes a while longer to fix it seems (I secretly increased the treatment from Monday this week to 20 min, so I'm sure I'll be cured of that problem, too).

Another tool will be of great interest to geologists and all those of us suffering from the 'harmful influence of transient geomagnetic variations', which causes things like 'hypertension, cerebral thrombosis, neuralgia, inflammation, diarrhea, insomnia, constipation, etc'. I understand that etc means anything those transient geomagnetic variations have caused you. So, the top scientists in North Korea have developed a truly fantastic tool, the Portable Magnetic Treater! Thank goodness for that! All you got to do is press it on the spot where the pain occurs until the pain is gone. I tried it the other day on the spot where my leg was amputated fairly recently, and guess what, it grew back over night. Amazing stuff. Just remember to press the Portable Magnetic Treater on the spot that causes you problems. The etc means it'll help you whatever the problem. I just luv this piece of hi-tech equipment. True genius.

Sadly tho my erectile dysfunction issue cannot also be resolved with that same laser. I pressed the Portable Magnetic Treater for a long time, but no, it seems the etc didn't cover that irksome problem. Bummer. But there's help on the website. Amazing product, it's called Neo-Viagra-Y.R. Like all the other website products it deals with all sorts of problems in one go. This one is particularly cool, and should prove quite helpful to all those of us that are getting on in their years. Especially if our partners are a bit on the tiresome end of things. What this product does, as I said, among many many other things, is to prolong sexual intercourse. So, if you take it, it's not just that you can go on and on and on, but that you will go on and on and on. Again, pretty amazing stuff. You got to control yourself, obviously, because at one point you just got to stop and eat a bit, watch may be the news, sleep occasionally, things like that. The good news is, if the prolonged sexual activity this product triggers causes you a stiff shoulder (no pun intended), Neo-Viagra-Y.R. helps with that problem, too. Of course, you could also deploy the Portable Magnetic Treater. The choice is entirely yours. That's the nice thing about these multi-functional products!

By the way, if you decide to go to that website you will also discover something pretty shocking about capitalism. At the moment at least the Great Leader offers us incontrovertible evidence (photo in top right-hand corner) that the old Mercedes E Class actually isn't the old Mercedes E Class, but a North Korean limousine called 'Junma'. These German bastards really dared to steal the design of the Junma. Pretty incredible stuff! I'm glad that information is in the open now!

On that cheerful note, I leave you to browsing this funny site, the official Economic Website of the DPR of Korea, aka North Korea.

And, if you think, only the North Korean leaders are somewhat nuts, which no doubt they are, there's usually good company for them among the ranks of the South African government. On the same level of idiocy as the portable laser curer is that country's Minister for the Optimal Prevention of Health (MOPH), Manto Tshabalala Msimang. Just to remind the world that she still exists and is up to no good, Manto decided that African traditional medicine doesn't have to prove itself according to the scientific method. She said, 'We cannot use Western models of protocols for research and development. We should guard against being bogged down with clinical trials.' Indeed, and there's a good reason for this, according to Manto 'some of the medicines have been used by traditional healers for thousands of years..'

Quod erat demonstrandum! Now we know indeed.

ADDENDUM 02/03/08: My friend Ray Smith tells me that canker actually exists, so perhaps the laser curer really is meant to deal with canker and not cancer and I got it all wrong :).

1 comment:

  1. haha - that's so bizarre! Kim Jong-Il is really running a tight ship over there. Not only is the health industry thriving, but the public seems to have such a sound grasp of basic science to buy, say, a portable magnet treater.


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